I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
