I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
