Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i think im in europe. pls send help
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
