Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
