Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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