listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
