thus making me awesome and them whores
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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