i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
