Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
false alarm. still invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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