just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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