biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize