if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
