I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I understand Curling. That high.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
