Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
