I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So squirting runs in the family.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
