I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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