Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
