Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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