mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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