My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
