On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
