When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
