Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
