Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
