sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The Olympian is in my bed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
