you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
