We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
