can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
