my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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