"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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