He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
