I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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