when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
