Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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