Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So here I am, sexting at work.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
