I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
