im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
