Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize