Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
