I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
