I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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