His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
