I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
