you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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