i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He did a backflip because drugs
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
