Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
