He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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