this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
