so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
