Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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