Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize