On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
