Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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