so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
