he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
