I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
