i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
