Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
