Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
