WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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