I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
