everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
