What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
