Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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