I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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