apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
