so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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